I’m writing this letter for my new friends who are searching for answers. My friends who experienced child abuse, abuse from a narcissist, or a series of traumatic experiences over an extended period of time. For my friends who feel they have PTSD but might need to be diagnosed with Complex-PTSD.
This letter is likely to be blunt and not what you might expect or prefer to emotionally hear. That is why I’m sharing it – to help people in crisis learn how to cope, de-stress, and manage their own recovery in such a way that it keeps everyone safe while decreasing fear.
One of the most common inquiries I’ve had is for support groups in people’s home areas. I seldom (if ever) suggest that people with C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) seek to join any form of a peer support group or religious organization.
I highly advise avoiding group counseling sessions until you self-educate about Narcissistic Abuse and people with Cluster B personality disorders, as advice most people and therapists who are not trained to deal with advocating for victims tend to give victim shaming advice likely to endanger your psychology further.
Bad advice puts C-PTSD victims lives in danger. People in heavy crisis tend to give a mixed bag of abuse recovery advice in the heat of any moment.
Going to a group session in person or hanging out in threads with a great deal of chat rather than simple shares of information that helps can really be a moving, life-altering experience. But… it can also cause a bit of shell shock, heighten fear, and create a vibe of anxiety hyped by a mob of people not always using the same words to describe their understanding of what is or is not in psychology terms going on.
Plus, it’s likely to be traumatizing to hear other people’s stories before actually having a grasp on your own. Unless you really like crying hard in front of strangers while scream gasping out expletives while dripping snot from your nose.
If you are seeking counsel, I suggest you read up on appropriate topics related to abuse and recovery BEFORE you seek therapy and counseling from ANYBODY.
Coming soon to the Vatic Foundation website will a bookshelf page with links to my recommended reading.
Get familiar with key terms related to the following psychological phenomenon and terms:
- Cluster B
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- COVERT Narcissism (formerly referred to as Passive-Aggression)
- Anti-Social Personality Disorder
- Narcissistic Abuse
- Emotional Abuse
- Physical Abuse
- Psychological Abuse
- Verbal Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
- Flying Monkeys and Enabling
- Abuse by Proxy
- Reverse Projection
- Cognitive Dissonance
- Stockholm Syndrome
- Smear Campaigning
- Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse
Then, once you have done all the academic research looking up terms related to Narcissistic Abuse and Cluster B people, find a professional who can guide you through your recovery process.
I also sincerely advise you to NEVER talk with folks about your trauma who have not been personally targeted or who have not had experience dealing with Cluster B people, sexual-physical-mental abuse, targeting or scapegoating, as they are simply going to think you are crazy. Or worse, lying. Or even worse, you are NOT dealing with trauma. But people who have never heard about such crazy-sounding things are likely to believe that a rightly upset and morally outraged victim isn’t being overly emotional.
Get your footing first understanding what actually has happened to you, BEFORE you start seeking knowledge or involvement of random unvetted and possibly well-meaning but truly ‘harmful word choice’ using people.
Then, and only then, should any person whose trust in humanity has been shaken to its core strive to narrow (rather than expand) your support circle.
Therapists who work exclusively with helping people to cope with issues related to trauma, psychology, C-PTSD, and recovery are few and far between. But do not lose hope!
Working with a qualified therapist or life coach who has DIRECT PERSONAL EXPERIENCE being targeted for persistent abuse by a romantic partner, co-worker, schoolmate, or family member(s) is super easy in the 21st century thanks to telephones and video chat service technology.
Now… with that said – there is serious merit in joining CLOSED FORUM GROUPS and connecting with other people around the globe. But I say so with a how to do it safely and effectively codicil expressed herein.
When and if you join a group — read to find PATTERN VALIDATION first.
Talking with people in closed forums online can be a help only – and I do mean ONLY – if the people you are taking advice from are SURVIVORS who understand C-PTSD, trauma, and how to actually survive after being targeted.
Those who are confused about Cluster B neurology are likely to say things like the people are evil, the devil, or to call them monsters, when all they are doing is reflecting their own short-sighted thinking and uneducated perspective.
People with vertical thinking styles tend to be socially competitive, always seeing a need to create a winner and a loser.
Those who are on the extreme end of that spectrum are the Cluster B people, typically willing to do or say anything to self-promote their own desires, personal agendas, and interest while seeking to punish or harm targeted victims.
Those folks tend to show up at group support sessions, hoping to have support to engage in making ad hominem attacks against their abusers while socially hoping to incite MOBBING.
They are actually showing clear red flag signs of COVERT NARCISSISTS with weak personality disorders. The problem is, they are great at psychologically manipulating people to hate, fear, and they do the OPPOSITE of helping true victims heal.
As such, I advise EVERYONE who is coming out of an abusive relationship to watch as many of the Spartan Life Coach videos, followed by the addition of Self Care Haven videos.
There is nothing wrong with being morally outraged at the outrageous. A person who is NOT offended at the thought of social abuse or neglect is likely themselves to have been emotionally or psychologically traumatized at some point during their youth and to suffer from narcissistic or egocentric personality disorder issues.
Break the silence about child abuse and domestic violence in a pro-social way – by avoiding social involvement with any peer or person who is flaming mad, who is retaliatory or punitive, and or who strives to keep your mind and heart abuse-engaged.
It takes an average of 18-24 months of being in NO CONTACT status with all abusive people and toxic thinkers for the adrenal system to reset.
If you have spent a lifetime striving to understand why people abuse and why they target you, trying a new approach to healing and protecting yourself from developing stress-related, life-threatening illness development is crucial.
Seeking validation from your Abuser or their Enablers (willing or inadvertent) is NEVER advised unless you want the cycle of abuse to continue.
If you want to heal, focus. Mindful self-reflection and learning how to observe and make mental note before responding to a social predator or reacting to bait or provocation is truly the method by which every abuse victim who not only survives but thrives uses.
Think of limiting social contact with random people for a while, at least until you have put in at least 40 or more hours of reading self-help literature about C-PTSD, trauma, narcissistic abuse and narcissistic abuse recovery to help you learn how to spot the red flags and warning signs of a sociopathic people who are seeking new narcissistic supply sources for their own personal benefit, self-aggrandizement, or entertainment.
Thank you for listening… and for reading.
TRAUMA recovery IS possible for any person or peer group who is willing to do the task of self-reflecting followed by learning how to successfully self-advocate.
Keep the faith and educate!
What you get from self-educating about all this horrible feeling junk is a ball of yarn with knots undone. It is up to you to decide once the mystery of WHAT actually happened has been unraveled to decide how you choose to successfully re-knit the pieces of your life back together without being forced to ever re-knit the same stitch, pattern, or ugly Christmas sweater.